March 17 - Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

SHORT REPORT: I had chemo last Wednesday, 3/11 through Friday 3/13. Usually side effects are a little delayed, but I had severe nauseu starting Wednesday night and have been a total recluse - hiding out at Nick and Sue's in Cypress. The doctor gave me two scripts which I can alternate and that has been a real help.

MORE DETAIL: At this point, I would really love to write something "catchy and cute"... but unfortunately, will just have to settle for direct. Lack of energy has gotten the best of me this week, although it hasn't all been bad. Nick got me a new laptop - the old one finally died, leaving me with serious internet withdrawals! I'm still getting it set up, but will have all the latest and greatest, including Microsoft Office 2007, to play with.. and hopefully update my resume!

I have started looking into school financing to see if it is a realistic option for me to go back to school. Also, had some great conversations with Sue, my daughter-in-law, who has been handling my finances for me through this mess. She is a super encouragement to me! Cute AND smart!!

One thing I have decided is to let go of my car (with it's huge monthly payment and ridiculous percent rate) and try to find a used car that I can pay cash for. If anyone knows of a good deal please let me know... my main concern is that the car is dependable...
a sun roof would be nice :-) (just kidding!)

So with my final brain cell... I will wish you all a very Happy St. Patrick's Day!

much love,

Sia

March 8

"I accept challenges as opportunities for change... I have the courage to find new parts of myself...."

These are quotes from my daily meditation provided to me with flower essences by my friend Mary. Such wisdom... I want to do that!

There certainly are a lot of "opportunities for change" in my life right now. There is a real concern that when this treatment is over... I won't have my wonderful job to go back to. I am still hoping that isn't the case and that I am able to return to work - I adore the people that I work with. However, I do have to consider that may not be happen and prepare myself for a world of options...

Now change is very frightening, and exciting at the same time. I do tend to sway more toward the "excited" side in most situations which should scare the hell out of me. LOL.. It is such a BIG world out there - I can't help but think of the unlimited possibilities! I could open a Montessori school on a reservation and teach Native American children.. sell some songs and win a Grammy... redesign my website and turn my obsession into a profession.. finish my novel... become my daughter's live-in nanny ... or just sail around the world wherever the wind (and Gordon) lead. Of course, I could also polish my resume and find another job.

I am open for suggestions! Meanwhile, I think I'll have another cup of coffee and have a nice chat with my dog!

It is a beautiful day in Dallas!
much love,
Sia

March 3

SHORT REPORT: The pump came off last Friday - I am still feeling tired and nauseous, but the fatigue is not as bad as it was with the oxaliplatin. I was a little disappointed that I didn’t feel a LOT better – but I’ll take what I can get - At least I can eat salad and ice cream! I plan to go visit my daughters in Dallas this weekend and hope to see my grandson’s soccer game – fingers are crossed! Next chemo is Wed., March 11.

MORE DETAIL:
Just FYI - Here is a summary of chemo treatments so far, and an explanation from my doctor about the chemo treatments, and why it is better to stop the Oxaliplatin . Each of the “reductions” and postponed treatments were due to low blood counts.

Treatments #1-4 Full dose, (11/5, 12/2, 12/17, 12/31)
Treatment #5 Oxaliplatin reduced from 85mg/m2 to 65 mg/m2 (1/21)
Treatment #6 Oxaliplatin reduced to 50 mg/m2 (2/4)
Treatment #7 No oxaliplatin (2/25)

"Clinical Trials that proved FOLFOX (5FU, Leucovorin and Oxaliplatin) given for 6 months was better than 5FU/Leucovorin alone. Older trials had initially said we needed to treat patients for 12 months, then a followup study said, no, we only need to treat 6-8 months for same benefit, then the MOSAIC trial came out stating FOLFOX was better than 5FU/Leucovorin over 6 months. It was shown that 3 year disease free survival, 5 year overall survival was better with FOLFOX. This trial was based on patients completing 6 months of treatment.
5FU/LV significantly improves overall survival after surgery, but adding oxaliplatin does increase it more. You got 3 out of the 6 months of treatment with oxaliplatin, so we feel you will get some of that benefit. We cannot know for sure how much,because the trial was not based on patients only getting 3 months of treatment. But we know some is better than none. We also know that the long term side effects of oxaliplatin can last and inhibit quality of life long after treatment has been stopped. Also, if your blood counts continue to struggle and we don't drop the doses, then you may have to stop treatment altogether and not get a total of 6 months of treatment, which would be a worse situation. " - straight from my doc for those who like technical explanations.

much love,
Sia

February 26th

SHORT REPORT: Good news is I had chemo yesterday... but the doctor has cut out the Oxyplatin due to low blood counts. This should help me stay on schedule with the rest of my chemo treatments which is very important.

MORE DETAILS: I fell asleep really early yesterday after treatment, and then woke up about 1:30am and started making soup and answering emails. Good thing I'm a flexible person! I am a little anxious and excited as to how the side effects will change now that Oxyplatin is out of the mix. The Doc said not to expect too much right away.. that Oxyplatin will stay in my body and continue to cause side effects for some time - Some of them may actually get worse before they get better :-(

The good news is that the platelet count should come up - which I hope means more energy and less headaches - although it didn't seem that way last night!

I think I'll have some green tea... meditate on my flower essences.. and practice tai chi - or maybe I'll just go back to bed... hmmm? Onward through the fog!

Much love,
Sia

February 16

SHORT REPORT: I’ve gotten some strength back… and should have an excellent week! We moved my chemo to next week, which gives me an extra week to recover!! The doc says that my body may not tolerate much more of the oxyplatin… one of the chemo drugs in my “personal cocktail”. It is the one with the most affect on my platelets… and is also the one that affects neuropathy. So I’m hopeful that the side effects will be much more manageable if the doc does follow through with eliminating that drug!!

MORE DETAIL: We made it down to Galveston for a quiet recuperating weekend, completely unaware that it was MARDI GRAS!!! Fortunately we had a great day on Friday, although by the time we made it to our hotel, I had no strength left for that evening stroll on the beach. Gordon is such a trooper and takes those last minute disappointments very well! Saturday morning, we bought our beads (couldn’t leave without beads!)… had a nice quiet walk on the beach in a light rain... and made our escape before all the craziness started!

My strength comes in spurts – so I keep my “Wanna Do List” - not to be confused with a “To Do List”… since I really don’t know if I’ll get it done! When I feel like I can actually DO something… I grab my list and off I go until I hit the next brick wall. A pretty simple plan which seems to be working ok – as long as I don’t get too ambitious!

One reason why we postponed chemo this week is because I have several personal things that I need to attend to and if I had a treatment on Wednesday, it would be impossible. It also has the added benefit of laying my schedule out so that Tartan Day is a few days BEFORE a treatment – providing the best chance for me to attend the San Jacinto event! This week, I’m hoping to attend a kickoff meeting for the Admin Mentoring Program at work! All of the ladies have been so supportive – I can’t wait to see them!!

So today is a day to check a few things off that list… like writing on the blog!

Much love,
Sia

February 10

SHORT REPORT: Chemo still sucks! My platelet count was low when I had chemo and, judging from my body’s reaction, took a nosedive. I don’t seem to be loosing any more hair.. but my skin is so dry that I feel like I have a mud mask on all over my body. Flu-like symptoms get worse with each treatment and seem to last a little longer each time.

MORE DETAIL:
Well… the best way I can describe the last several days is … like taking a swan dive into an empty pool! I have visions of Wiley Coyote falling off that cliff – hitting bottom and then the anvil hit!.

I had the most fantastic few days right before chemo - Things just fell together for an incredible memorial ceremony at San Jacinto Monument for next Tartan Day! It’s something that I’ve dreamed of for several years now!

I guess I was a little naïve to think that I could avoid the crash. . so I just ran right off that cliff!. I had planned to spend the weekend with my son and daughter-in-law, but as it was, barely made it from the bed to the couch.

I had chemo a week ago tomorrow… and today is the first day that I felt strong enough to stand and brush my teeth. I haven’t been out of the house since last Wednesday. If all goes well, I’ll make it over to Nick’s today for some much appreciated change of scenery!

Thanks so much to all of you who continue to send me emails and cards... it means so very much!

mucho love,
Sia

February 5

SHORT REPORT: My blood levels (white cells and platelets) were still low and blood pressure a little high... but the doc kept me on schedule with a slightly lower dose. I am currently hooked up to my fanny-pack pump... which will come off early tomorrow afternoon. Looking forward to a sunny weekend!